Sunday, November 8, 2015

NaNoWriMo and My Writing Anxiety

I started doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) back in 2007. I heard about it from one of my homeschooled friends. I started late and I finished early. I couldn't believe it. That was my senior  year of high school. I also completed my manuscript in 2008 my first year of college. I haven't been successful since. I think it's because I became an English major. Writing stopped being a hobby and became homework instead. It became something that was required of me instead of something I did for fun.

I began writing at age 14 as a way to escape my real life. My mother and my step-dad both have mental illnesses. Growing up was rough. I was the oldest and I was expected to take care of things when they couldn't. I felt like I had no one to talk to who would understand what I was going through. I immersed myself in this fantasy world with a timeline of 15 years and contained nearly 50 characters. It was my secret and I didn't tell anybody about it. They knew I wrote a lot but nobody knew what it was. I hoped that if I believed in it hard enough I could stop existing in this world and start existing in that one.

I was incredibly insecure. It wasn't even really because of anything anybody said. My parents and teachers praised me for being so smart. My friends seemed to think I was reasonably funny. I didn't believe them. I felt inadequate.

Then once I started dating Josh things got better. He was nice to me, he complimented me, he actually thought I was smart and pretty even though I was sure that I wasn't. Then I got scared to write. I felt like there was a link between my unhappiness and my writing. I was scared that if I started writing my unhappiness and my anxiety would come back.

I forced myself through my writing classes. I only produced a few pieces I was actually proud of. Now I'm 25. I'm married and I'm the happiest I've ever been. But trying to write my NaNo is painful. I have all of these "bad" habits when I write. I don't know how to get back in the groove.

So I've been sitting in my dark bedroom listening to my music that makes me want to cry and playing solitaire until my eyes feel like they're going to fall out. I didn't have the internet on my computer in high school. I had microsoft word and solitaire. The words are coming though. So I guess that's good. I just hoped I had moved beyond these habits but I guess not.

I'm scared to write in public or where other people could potentially read over my shoulder. These words are my safety net to protect me when the world falls apart. But I have Josh now and my world shouldn't fall apart anymore.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

I finally made it to Enger Tower

My friends were in town for my wedding and in an attempt to take them sight seeing we went up to Enger Tower. I've lived here for over a year now and I hadn't made it up there. I can't believe it took me so long. It's practically a straight shot from my house, of course it's basically across town but it's not as hard to get there as I thought it was.

It's gorgeous up there this time of year. I definitely need to go back up. It was beautiful this past weekend and I'm glad I went. Also this picture turned out pretty amazing.
View of the lift bridge from Enger Tower. 

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Folding Origami Flowers for My Wedding

Well, actually Josh has been doing most of the folding for me. I just glue and assemble them. It's some pretty good teamwork.

Bucket full of paper flowers
So I decided to write an article about it "How to Fold Easy Origami Flowers." Yeah, it's pretty cool. So if you want to learn how to make these you can find that there.

Or if folding 1000 Paper Cranes is more your style I have an article on that too.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Hello September

My August goals did not go as planned. I deleted the post out of embarassment. I got too caught up in being stressed out about money, work, and my upcoming wedding. But now it's September, summer is over and I'm okay with that. I'm ready for some cooler weather.

I'm not ready for the impending holiday rush that will last from next week until March.

I'm getting back into my daily writing and that should help with my blogging. After doing my 750 words I really just want to write a blog post with my left over energy after all the worries and crap is out of my head.

I've changed my schedule so I'm going to be working in the middle of the day more. So I have to get up with an alarm and eat breakfast so I might as well include this in my routine. I'm probably going to create a list of topics and just write about a random topic each day because my life is pretty boring. Go into a Walmart in your area and watch a cashier and it will be like you're watching me at work.

Also the street in front of my house is under construction and there is a huge hole in the ground.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Gold'n Plump Chicken Van

This was in the Walmart parking lot today when I left work. Very strange. I did not know something like this existed or that they would feel the need to advertise this way. 
Gold'n Plump Chicken Van
Gold'n Plump Chicken Van

Sidewalk Art at Walmart

I found this little guy drawn on the sidewalk out in front of Walmart. I walked past it and then had to come back for a picture. I'm pretty sure it's drawn around a gum spot.
Sidewalk Art

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Ingress - My New Favorite Geo Game

The other day I found an article online about this game called Ingress. The basic premise is that there is this weird energy seeping into the world though "portals." Portals are located near statues, historical locations, and places of cultural interest like museums or churches. There are two teams who are fighting over each of these portals to capture them and harness the energy.

This game is interesting because you have to physically move to these locations to be able to do anything. You have to do additional walking around to gain energy to be able to complete actions at these locations.

I've been looking for a GPS based game ever since I got my iPhone. I live near the Duluth Lakewalk and there are plenty of "portals" located along it. So all I have to do is go down there and I can play until my phone goes dead. This is only about half of the area I walk to. I can walk further down the lakewalk and I'll hit Canal Park and there's just as many portals there. I accidentally walked down there the other day and I found I can get there in an hour if I'm walking at a regular pace.

Friday, July 31, 2015

Venus Fly Trap

Walmart got a box of Venus Fly Traps in their garden center the other day. I knew I had to buy one. This time I'm going to try really hard not to kill it. I accidentally over watered my last one.
Venus Fly Trap
My co-worker also wanted one and he was asking me all of these questions about it because I know more about plants than he does. So I looked it up online and it seems relatively easy to take care of. You just have to keep the dirt moist, but not wet, and only feed it living flies if it is unable to catch any itself. It also requires full sun and the dark pink is an indicator that it is getting enough sun. They like sandy soil that offers good drainage.

So we'll see how this goes.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

I'm Obsessed with Notebooks

I really like notebooks a lot. Back to School season is hard at Walmart because there are just so many pretty notebooks that are also really cheap. Why yes I would like a box of one subject notebooks for ten cents apiece. It's bad.

I already have so many notebooks. My biggest vice is pocket notebooks and journals. People used to always buy me journals because I was a teenage girl with emotions who was also a  writer. Journals were the perfect gift. Now I collect those little Moleskine notebooks. I use the first few pages and then I buy another one. I can't rip pages out of notebooks. But I'm a perfectionist so each notebook has to have a purpose.
I like tiny notebooks a lot. I decided to put them in a stack the last time I cleaned. 

I also like binders and how they allow me to be organized. I have binders for all sorts of stuff. A lot of them are filled with my organized poetry. I have it organized by date. It's actually really cool. I started putting dates on my writing very early on. Within a couple months of beginning to write when I was in 5th grade. I'm very proud of myself for thinking to do that.

I have a binder for all of my important paperwork, and I have one for all of the user manuals and receipts for all of my major appliances and stuff.
I like binders and full size notebooks too.

Monday, July 27, 2015

1000 Paper Cranes

I'm making 1000 paper cranes for my wedding. I've always been obsessed with origami and I can fold cranes like nobody's business. So I thought it would be no big deal to make 1000 of them.

1000 is a lot of cranes. I thought this was going to be easy but it is taking forever. Ugh. I fold them while I'm watching TV so I can get 30-50 done in a sitting. (Of course I'm watching several hours of TV at a sitting so consider that how you will.)

I'm half done right now though and I figured I would write an article about it over on my Hubpages account if you feel like checking that out. How to Fold 1000 Paper Cranes.
500 paper cranes. Halfway to 1000 paper cranes.
So many paper cranes. This is only 500. I'm only halfway done.